In a veterinarians waiting room:
"Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!"

Plumber's office:
"We repair what your husband fixed."

In the front yard of a funeral home:
"Drive carefully, we'll wait."

Pizza shop slogan:
"7 days without pizza makes one Weak."

On Maternity Room door:
"Push, Push, Push."

Door of a plastic surgeons office:
"Hello, can we help pick your nose?"

Sign at the psychic's hotline:
"Don't call us, we'll call you."

At a towing company:
"We don't charge an arm and a leg.
We want tows."

Billboard on the side of the road:
"Keep your eyes on the road
and stop reading these signs."

On an electricians truck:
"Let us remove your shorts."

In a nonsmoking area:
"If we see smoking we will assume you are
on fire and take appropriate action."

At an optometrist's office
"If you don't see what your looking for
you've come to the right place."

Outside a muffler shop:
"No appointment necessary.
We'll hear you coming."

At a tire shop in Milwaukee:
"Invite us to your next blowout."

Radiator repair shop:
"It's a great place to take a leak!"